Skip to main content

The Monster and the Girl

The Monster

 I watch her running through the woods. The lower branches nearly slapping her to the ground. It's almost like she feels me, she hears me, she can sense my footsteps as I follow her.

 But I am like air, I am like dust, I am like mist. I am there but do I really exist? She stops on the pathway and I can see her pant, her chest heaving, tears streaming down her cheeks, thin long streaks, wet across her face. She is afraid and I am excited. I raise my hand to caress her head.

 She lets out a scream of frustration and starts her long run away from me, away from what she thinks I am. Monsters aren't real, are they? Monsters don't exist, do they? So do I really exist?


The Girl

 I run, as fast as I can, away through the wooded path. I've done this in a dream before and I cannot stop running because if I do, it will catch upto me. I can feel it getting closer, I can almost see its shadow, I can sense its presence getting closer. 

 My monster has claws that doesn't let go, my monster has teeth that grab on with too much force. I stop to catch my breath, the fight is too hard, the path is too long, the struggle is too real. I start to feel the tears coming. The tears I don't want it to see. Fear starts to surround me, it envelops me, and I feel it reaching over my shoulder. 

 I scream, out of frustration, I scream because I've had enough. I run, I run my long run, because I know my monster is real. I run through my treatment, I run through the pain, because I know at any minute, my depression would get me. Because no matter how hard I try to ignore it, it's a monster that exists.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The train

The T shirt The morning of my first train journey alone from the city of Bangalore to the huge city of Mumbai, had me seeing the interiors of a train for the first time in 25 years. The last time I traveled by train I was 5 years old. A lot had changed since then. Flights were frequent, my father had made huge amounts of money, and I never had to bother taking the train. But as a 30 year old unmarried woman, trying to prove herself in a patriarchal society, I had cut off from my family- financially and emotionally. I had my hand sanitiser, wet tissues, pepper spray,  packed food (enough for 3 days), and I was ready to fight the germs and the assholes that could be in the train. I was dressed in my ex boyfriend's t shirt which was a few sizes too big, so as to not "entice" the lewd remarks or actions. A woman shabbily clad in a Saree came and sat next to me with her 3 kids and her husband who smelled heavily of alcohol. They were jittery and excited. There was a stron...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Mirror

The girl I see her staring at me from the mirror: contemplating insignificance, contemplating disaster.  Who have I become? I stare at the girl whose innocence is lost. I want to hold her, comfort her, and tell her that things will be okay. The scars of my past, reflected in my eyes, hauntingly leering at me from my reflection. The only one, who knows me, is me. The only one, who can comfort me, is staring at me through the mirror judging me, judging my actions. I see tears rolling down my face, before I feel them. I am so used to them now that they are almost a part of me. What have I become. I look down at the reflection on my wrists. Scars, that deface my once smooth flawless skin. Did I hate myself that much that I absolutely had to draw my own blood? Healed lines, bumps, I feel them with my other hand. Looking up, I see her, taunting me. “What have you become, you silly girl?” my eyes ask me. What have I become? Meaningless, defective, useless. What broke me? Wha...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Candle

The Girl I lit the candle. It was still dark. I couldn't see except for a few feet ahead. I hated the dark, I feared it. I had this creepy feeling I was being watched. I reached the fuse box and turned on the light. My phone was out of charge. I really felt like I wasn't alone at home.  I went back to my room, put my phone on charge and got into the shower. The warm water was very soothing to my frazzled nerves. Bed time. Finally, I could sleep and the night would be over. I had a few texts from this guy I was seeing. Cute boy, fun boy. I think I could fall in love with him. I felt safe somehow as  I texted him. But it had been a long day and I decided to sleep. His msg read "I can come over. We can chat, maybe watch a movie." I laughed. He was sweet and him being here would make me feel protected, but I was too tired. "Come on. I am nearby i can be there soon." I send a goodnight text and turned off the internet and the lights. And I slept. The lover...
Post a Comment
Read more