Skip to main content

The Wedding

The Bride

 "Could you ask him? Please? I know you're friends. And I really need to know. Could you ask him if he likes me?" 

 I see the conversation playback in my mind. 15 years since that first crush. I remember this conversation to this day. Because you never really forget the first time your heart breaks. 

 But what I feel now is love like I have never felt before. You know it's real love when the only time he makes you cry is when he makes you doubt his feelings. But there he is, the perfect groom; Laughing with his buddies. I take a step into the church, the laughing face turns to a sly smile as the orchestra starts playing our song. Walking down the aisle to the man of my dreams.

 I reach him, the preist does his bit and then the vows. I go first, using every instance I have known him to sum up my feelings entirely and I end it with, "I love you." He hadn't even said it yet, not even on the day he had proposed. All he had said was that he cares. But today, I'm sure he will. I eagerly wait for his vows.

The Groom

"Hey... Do you want to go out with me"

I get reminded by my childhood friend of the many many times I had approached a girl with this question and then backed away. But it took me just five months to realise that she's the one. I remember our conversatios from the first time we met to this day. Because you never really forget the first time you meet "the one."

I feel this sense of attachment that I haven't felt before. I know there would be a lot of pain ifii were ever to lose her. And there she is, the perfect bride; nervous at the entrance. The orchestra starts playing our song and I remember the first time I made her listen to it. There walking down the aisle was the woman of my dreams.

The priest starts off with the usual shenanigans and then the vows. She goes first, bringing up every instance of true happiness and she ends it with, "I love you." The truth is, I am not in love with her. I don't know if I ever can be. I finish my vows making sure she knows how much she means to me. I turn around to get the rings, and "I'm sorry, I can't do this." She steps away from me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The train

The T shirt The morning of my first train journey alone from the city of Bangalore to the huge city of Mumbai, had me seeing the interiors of a train for the first time in 25 years. The last time I traveled by train I was 5 years old. A lot had changed since then. Flights were frequent, my father had made huge amounts of money, and I never had to bother taking the train. But as a 30 year old unmarried woman, trying to prove herself in a patriarchal society, I had cut off from my family- financially and emotionally. I had my hand sanitiser, wet tissues, pepper spray,  packed food (enough for 3 days), and I was ready to fight the germs and the assholes that could be in the train. I was dressed in my ex boyfriend's t shirt which was a few sizes too big, so as to not "entice" the lewd remarks or actions. A woman shabbily clad in a Saree came and sat next to me with her 3 kids and her husband who smelled heavily of alcohol. They were jittery and excited. There was a stron...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Mirror

The girl I see her staring at me from the mirror: contemplating insignificance, contemplating disaster.  Who have I become? I stare at the girl whose innocence is lost. I want to hold her, comfort her, and tell her that things will be okay. The scars of my past, reflected in my eyes, hauntingly leering at me from my reflection. The only one, who knows me, is me. The only one, who can comfort me, is staring at me through the mirror judging me, judging my actions. I see tears rolling down my face, before I feel them. I am so used to them now that they are almost a part of me. What have I become. I look down at the reflection on my wrists. Scars, that deface my once smooth flawless skin. Did I hate myself that much that I absolutely had to draw my own blood? Healed lines, bumps, I feel them with my other hand. Looking up, I see her, taunting me. “What have you become, you silly girl?” my eyes ask me. What have I become? Meaningless, defective, useless. What broke me? Wha...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Candle

The Girl I lit the candle. It was still dark. I couldn't see except for a few feet ahead. I hated the dark, I feared it. I had this creepy feeling I was being watched. I reached the fuse box and turned on the light. My phone was out of charge. I really felt like I wasn't alone at home.  I went back to my room, put my phone on charge and got into the shower. The warm water was very soothing to my frazzled nerves. Bed time. Finally, I could sleep and the night would be over. I had a few texts from this guy I was seeing. Cute boy, fun boy. I think I could fall in love with him. I felt safe somehow as  I texted him. But it had been a long day and I decided to sleep. His msg read "I can come over. We can chat, maybe watch a movie." I laughed. He was sweet and him being here would make me feel protected, but I was too tired. "Come on. I am nearby i can be there soon." I send a goodnight text and turned off the internet and the lights. And I slept. The lover...
Post a Comment
Read more