Skip to main content

The Wedding

The Bride

 "Could you ask him? Please? I know you're friends. And I really need to know. Could you ask him if he likes me?" 

 I see the conversation playback in my mind. 15 years since that first crush. I remember this conversation to this day. Because you never really forget the first time your heart breaks. 

 But what I feel now is love like I have never felt before. You know it's real love when the only time he makes you cry is when he makes you doubt his feelings. But there he is, the perfect groom; Laughing with his buddies. I take a step into the church, the laughing face turns to a sly smile as the orchestra starts playing our song. Walking down the aisle to the man of my dreams.

 I reach him, the preist does his bit and then the vows. I go first, using every instance I have known him to sum up my feelings entirely and I end it with, "I love you." He hadn't even said it yet, not even on the day he had proposed. All he had said was that he cares. But today, I'm sure he will. I eagerly wait for his vows.

The Groom

"Hey... Do you want to go out with me"

I get reminded by my childhood friend of the many many times I had approached a girl with this question and then backed away. But it took me just five months to realise that she's the one. I remember our conversatios from the first time we met to this day. Because you never really forget the first time you meet "the one."

I feel this sense of attachment that I haven't felt before. I know there would be a lot of pain ifii were ever to lose her. And there she is, the perfect bride; nervous at the entrance. The orchestra starts playing our song and I remember the first time I made her listen to it. There walking down the aisle was the woman of my dreams.

The priest starts off with the usual shenanigans and then the vows. She goes first, bringing up every instance of true happiness and she ends it with, "I love you." The truth is, I am not in love with her. I don't know if I ever can be. I finish my vows making sure she knows how much she means to me. I turn around to get the rings, and "I'm sorry, I can't do this." She steps away from me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Blink

  The criminal I look at you. I remember I gave you the chance to break me. I didn’t leave, when I knew I should have. I stopped you when you were about to leave. I let myself be bruised. I blink to see if there are any tears in my eyes. I remember the last time. I had thrown it at you, that book that I had painstakingly made as an anniversary gift. I had thrown it at you, hoping, hoping that you’d see it and you’d know what we were losing. I had begged for forgiveness from you, craving for something I knew we had no way of getting back. I had blinked just hoping the pain would go away. I remember when you had told me that you wanted to be with me forever, when you had promised forever. That blue checkered shirt, with its sleeves folded up, the smell of my favourite deo, the half eaten plate of chicken wings, and that playful yet perfect smile. I had blinked, just to make sure that I captured the moment.  I remember when we had first met, how you’d sat across from me, just wai...
Post a Comment
Read more

The train

The T shirt The morning of my first train journey alone from the city of Bangalore to the huge city of Mumbai, had me seeing the interiors of a train for the first time in 25 years. The last time I traveled by train I was 5 years old. A lot had changed since then. Flights were frequent, my father had made huge amounts of money, and I never had to bother taking the train. But as a 30 year old unmarried woman, trying to prove herself in a patriarchal society, I had cut off from my family- financially and emotionally. I had my hand sanitiser, wet tissues, pepper spray,  packed food (enough for 3 days), and I was ready to fight the germs and the assholes that could be in the train. I was dressed in my ex boyfriend's t shirt which was a few sizes too big, so as to not "entice" the lewd remarks or actions. A woman shabbily clad in a Saree came and sat next to me with her 3 kids and her husband who smelled heavily of alcohol. They were jittery and excited. There was a stron...
Post a Comment
Read more

Reciprocate

The keeper I love you son. You are everything, and anything I have wanted. I am sorry that I left. I couldn't be at home anymore. My heart still aches that I left when you were still holding my hand, you were 7 and too young to understand. I could have come to see you any time, but I refused. But never did I spend a single day not thinking about you, I have supported you through everything, watched you more closely than you can ever imagine. But I couldn't bring myself to face you. At 13 you were bright, topper of your class, your mother raised you well. I just could never bring myself to love her again, I could not stand to be in the same room as her. I am sorry. It was never about you.  At 18, I thought that it was time, should I meet you, tell you how I know everything about you- How you have got into one of the best colleges, how proud I am of you. Should I? But I am a coward, son. I am the biggest coward anyone could ever imagine. Your hand wrapped around my fing...
Post a Comment
Read more