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The lie of Friendship

Her
I woke up to the sounds of snores. I had fallen asleep next to him, again. He smelled a little of coffee and cigarettes. Being an avid smoker, he always had the smell of smoke. I called him "chimney". It was light outside, the sun hit my face, it was impossible to go back to sleep. I had been watching a movie with him, last night. He had made himself a cup of coffee, and I had been extremely drowsy- there had been nothing to keep me awake. I hated the taste of coffee, bitter did not taste any better with a few spoons of sugar. Now, I let myself settle closer to him. He turned over and hugged me. I felt safe for some reason in his arms, like nothing could ever hurt me.

 Someone knocked on the door. He awoke. "Who is it?" There was no response. I jumped up from bed, it was not against the rules that I was in his hostel room but it was still frowned upon. I pulled the laptop close to me and pretended to work on it. He went to get the door. "I called you several times last night." It was the girlfriend. I suddenly felt really guilty, I had no reason to, we were just friends. Nothing had happened and we had just slept. So why did I feel guilty? She saw me, and grew visibly cold. "Did she sleep here, last night?" Mr. Chimney looked at me and frowned. "We fell asleep, chill,  she's like one of the dudes." I knew a committed best friend was off limits. I knew he was just a friend,  and the hugs and the little bit of flirting were all just friendly and harmless. I was one of the "dudes". I never wanted to be. I felt a pang in my heart.


 Him
I felt her move closer toward me. She was a very close friend and I cared a little more than I should about her. She had fallen asleep half way through the movie last night. The movie itself had become a tedious watch after she fell asleep and I had gone over to the window to smoke a few lights. I watched her sleep. She hated that I smoked. Chimney she'd call me. I put the lit cigarette out unconsciously. Now I rolled over and hugged her. I felt protective suddenly of her in my arms, like I could never let anything hurt her.

Someone knocked on the door. I raised my head from the pillow. "Who is it?" There was no response. She jumped up from bed, it was not against the rules that she was in my hostel room but it was still frowned upon. She pulled the laptop close to her and pretended to work on it. I smiled slightly. So much drama. I went to get the door. "I called you several times last night." It was the girlfriend. I suddenly felt really guilty, I had no reason to, we were just friends. Nothing had happened, we had just slept. So why did I feel guilty? My girlfriend saw her and went rigid. "Did she sleep here last night?" I looked at her and frowned. I didn't like the way my girlfriend said "she" it felt very derogatory. "We fell asleep, chill, she's like one of the dudes." Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. But it didn't make sense, I knew she was just a friend, and the hugs and the little bit of flirting were all just friendly and harmless. But she wasn't just one of the "dudes". She never will be. I felt a pang in my heart.

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