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Rules of Attraction

The Story
I wonder sometimes if you knew, how much it hurt. Not that you were in love with someone else, but that you lied to me about it. I wonder sometimes if you knew how insane it made me to know that there was some secret that you didn't tell me about. I wonder if you knew that i was jealous only because I feared losing you to her. Yet, I did. It isn't the fact that you look happy that hurts me, I'm happy that you are happy. But it's that I wasn't important enough for you to tell me, that there was someone else, that maybe you'll leave me for her. It didn't matter that you loved her the way you loved me or that you were happy around her, the way you were around me. But the fact is, you lied to me, made me feel like I was the only one. You made me feel like my world was your world, that you knew what we could accomplish together. Yet, at the end you broke my world, you chose her, and not even for a minute did I truly believe you ever could.

The Truth

I wonder sometimes if it would have hurt less had I known. Not that i was in love with someone else, but that i lied to myself about it. I wonder sometimes if you knew how insane it made me to know that there was something about it I truly didn't understand. I wonder if you knew that your jealousy only made it worse.  It isn't the fact that i hurt you that makes me happy, but that I found myself in her. It was the biggest and toughest decision I have ever made. I did not know enough for me to tell you, that there was someone else, that maybe I'll leave you for her. It didn't matter that I loved you because it wasn't real, the way I felt with you, it wasn't real. And the fact is, I lied to myself, made me believe that loving you was right. You made me feel like my world was your world, that you knew what we could accomplish together. Yet, this was my world. I chose her because I'm gay and not even for a minute did I ever want to hurt you.

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